Be Careful What Fangirls Wish For
by Taylor Hayes
Summary: Two best friends wish each other into the Labyrinth, and proceed to drive the inhabitants crazy. And Jareth learns just how annoying and scary fangirls can be. *laugh* Semi-permanently on hiatus.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE: David Bowie is Ridiculously Attractive

"Hi, Diane. What are you doing here?" Katie's mother asked.

Diane smiled and opened her mouth to respond, but Katie quickly jumped in. "She's gonna do my make-up like David Bowie's in _The Labyrinth_!"

Katie's mother rolled her eyes. She had no idea how she had ended up with such an eccentric daughter.

Katie ignored her mother's look, grabbed her friend's hand, and bounded up the stairs.

Rushing into her parents' master bathroom, she began pulling out every bit of make-up she could find.

Diane stared down at the heap of eyeshadow, lipstick, mascara and foundation, and grinned evily.

Since she and Katie had seen the movie, they had been obsessed. They searched every music store in town, until they found the soundtrack. They'd raided thrift stores to find Sarah-esche outfits. They found thousand of pictures online of David Bowie as the Goblin King , photoshopped themselves in (badly), and printed them off to cover their walls.

Three hours later, they sat in front of the widescreen tv, dressed to kill, hair punked up like '80's rock stars, more make-up than Katy Perry, singing along to the opening song.

_No one can save you from walking away. Too much protection, nah, nah. No love injection, nah, nah. Life can be easy, it's not always swell. Don't tell me truth hurts little girl, 'cause it hurts like hell._

As they watched the story progress, they argued about the characters. And attempted to immitate David Bowie's leer. As the end credits began to roll, both pairs of made up eyes went wide, and they spun towards each other. In tandem, they spoke. "We can wish each other in!"

They jumped up, laughing and dancing around the room. Then they dropped back down and faced each other, holding hands.

Katie stared straight at Diane and said, "We have to be totally serious about this. 'Banish all doubts', type thing."

Diane nodded. "Okay. Let's do this."

"At the same time."

"No, duh!"

They clenched their hands together tightly, closed their eyes, and pictured the Labyrinth and the Masquerade Ball and the goblins. And the Goblin King. Then their eyes came open and they focused on each other. "I wish the goblins would take you away right now!"

They sat in silence, waiting. Hoping. Nothing happened. They both sighed and leaned back, releasing hands.

"Well, this sucks," Katie grimaced.

Diane nodded. "Double fudge sucks."

Then all the lights went out and a sparkling wind whipped through the room. And standing there, against the light of the moon, glitter falling around him, ash blonde hair poofed out, mismatched eyes distant, wearing an absurdly over-the-top outfit of black and red, and that familiar leer that -despite the outfit- made it clear he wasn't gay, was the Goblin King.

He stepped forward smoothly, hands on hips, and opened his mouth. Then he froze, taking in the sight of the two girls who stared up at him in worshipful shock. And who looked like mini, more feminine, clones of him. The words escaped his lips, "What in the world?"

His voice broke the silence, and the girls jumped to their feet and ran to him. Katie wrapped her arms around him and buried her nose in his chest, crowing, "He smells like spiced peaches! Just like in the fanfics! And it's so YUMMY!" Diane was circling him, touching his clothing and murmuring, "This outfit is fantastic! I want this coat so much." When she was facing him again, she looked up into his eyes and practically drooled, "David Bowie is ridiculously attractive."

Finally, the Goblin King threw himself back and away from the girls. The look in his eyes was almost fear, but he drew himself up and his voice involuntarily broke. "You have wished someone you care for away to the goblins. Now, you must play a game to get them back. You must-"

"Traverse your Labyrinth!" Diane shouted.

Katie paused, turned to her best friend, and asked, "So does that make him the Minotaur in the Theseus myth?"

Diane tilted her head. "I never really though about it before. I guess so."

"But then is Sarah Ariadne, or Theseus?"

"Maybe both?"

"But Hoggle-"

"LADIES!" the Goblin King thundered, and the sky flashed behind him. The two girls just turned to him and smiled.

Then Diane groaned, "Listen, Jareth, can you wait a couple minutes to take us to the Labyrinth? We're not really dressed right."

"Indeed," he nodded and waved a hand at them. "Ladies should not-" He froze again. "How did you know my name?"

The two ignored him, too busy cooing over their new outfits. Diane wore a poofy, princessy gown in a sea foam green. While Katie was in a violet peasant blouse and ripped black jeans.

"Huh. Why am I in a dress?"

"WHO CARES? LOOK AT OUR SHOES!"

And as soon as they saw the shoes, the opportunity for Jareth to take back their attention was gone.

Diane was staring down at a pair of flat, but sexy, brown suede boots, which were covered in embroidered vines and jeweled flowers. "True!"

"Check out these BOOTS!" Katie yelled, doing another happy dance about the dark, four-inch heels on her feet.

And then the squealing began.

Jareth held his leather gloved hands over his ears, hunching into himself. When he could take it no more, he yelled, "SILENCE!"

The girls spun to him, attempting to control their grins. At the same time they spoke. "Sorry, Jareth!"

They jumped and yelled, "JINX! You owe me a soda!" Scowling at each other, they both crossed their arms.

Katie sighed. "Tie. We're still even."

"No. You owe me a candy bar from yesterday."

"What?"

"Remember? We were talking about Jareth and we both said 'Precious Sarah' at the same time?"

"Oh yeah. Crap."

Jareth was not used to being ignored. He expected fear and cowering, not easily distracted fangirls. Sighing, he rubbed his forehead. Already he knew he would regret this. But he had a duty, and spoke, "We are going now, ladies."

Their smiles at his words were scary. He hesitated, then reached out and touched their shoulders. A moment later, they appeared at the edge of the Labyrinth in a shower of glitter.

Katie sighed, brushing her shoulders and shaking her hair. "What's with the constant glitter?"

Diane glared at her. "It's pure Jareth. And glitter is pure fantastic!"

"I know, Diane," Katie sighed.

"So, back to these outfits–" Diane began, turning to the annoyed Goblin King.

Katie broke in, "I bet these are outfits he pulled from our minds. Which means Sarah's ball gown... was something she actually _wanted_ to wear."

Diane rolled her eyes. "Who wouldn't? Those sleeves and the hair were EPIC."

Katie grinned. "True."

Jareth tried to refocus them on him. "You must travel the Labyrinth and reach the castle at the center of the Goblin Kingdom by midnight–"

"Thirteen o'clock!... JINX!" Twin sighs.

"Yes, thirteen o'clock. If you do not–"

"Question!" Katie held up her hand, waving it in the air like a kindergartner trying to get the teacher's attention.

"Yes, Katie?"

"Well–" then she stopped. "You know my name?"

"Yes," he answered slowly. "I know both your names."

"HE KNOWS OUR NAMES!" she screamed at Diane. Now they were both doing the jumping, dancing thing.

"KATIE!" the Goblin King roared.

She squeaked. "Oh, right. So if we get to the castle in time we go home. And if not, we stay and become goblins. But is there any way for us to stay _without_ turning into goblins?"

"What?" He was shocked again.

They just smiled and fluttered their lashes at him.

"I-I suppose, since you wished each other here, technically if you lost, as runners you would be send home. But as those wished away, you would become goblins. So..."

"So, if we lose, we can stay here _and_ stay human?" Katie finished hopefully.

He looked back and forth between a pair of chocolate brown eyes, and a pair of greenish azure eyes, both shining with a terrible, unholy glee. Swallowing hard, but fearing a lie, Jareth nodded.

The girls turned to each other and grinned.

"So, where should we try and go?"

"Ooooh... How about an obliette?"

"'A place you put someone when you want to forget about them'. JINX!"

They both sighed. "Tie?" "Tie."

"Ladies?" They turned back and were surprised to see the Goblin King still standing here.

"Yes? JINX." Sighs.

"The Labyrinth?" He pointed.

They nodded. "Absolutely." "You betcha!" Hopping forward together, they wrapped their arms around his frozen form and squeezed. Backing up, they sauntered off towards the outer wall of the Labyrinth. Looking back over their shoulders, Diane winked and Katie blew him a kiss.

"See you in thirteen hours. JINX!" Double exhales and they disappeared from his sight.

And the Goblin King, twister of dreams, shaker of lands, ruler of the Goblin Kingdom, guardian of the magic of the Labyrinth, groaned.

"This is not good."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Stalking in the Labyrinth

a/n Oh, the poor, poor inhabitants of the Labyrinth. They have no idea what they are about to be sucked into.

The two best friends skipped through the garden, giggling uncontrollably.

"This is so awesome!" Katie announced, clapping her hands together.

"So, _so_ fantastic!" Diane responded, spinning in circles and watching her skirts twirl.

With an evil grin, Katie asked, "Better than the Flash?"

"Nothing is better than the Flash!" Diane declared indignantly.

"So, I can have Jareth then."

"WHAT? NO!"

"But he deserves to be someone's greatest love. And the Flash has your heart."

"Wally's MARRIED, Katie! Plus, what about your obsession with Qui-Gon Jinn?"

"Diane, he's DEAD. Dead beats out married."

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

They glared at each other for a moment, then held out their hands. "Force-Jareth-to-Marry-Us-Both truce?"

"Force-Jareth-to-Marry-Us-Both truce."

Then they busted up giggling again, and went back to walking towards the Labyrinth.

Diane froze and grabbed Katie's arm. "Katie, do you see what I see?"

"Huh?" Katie followed Diane's outstretched finger, and they both stared in shock at the grimy dwarf who was currently bug-spraying fairies.

"HOGGLE!"

In moments, the dwarf was buried in a double hug by the two excited girls. When they finally let go of the squirming object of their affection, he gasped for breath and stumbled backwards.

"What in the name of-? Who are you?" he growled, continuing to back farther away at the smiles on their faces.

"No one," they answered slyly. "JINX!" Groans.

"But you're Hoggle!" Diane grinned down at him.

"The dwarf," Katie continued.

"Who likes shiny things, just like me."

"And who is really scared of the Bog of Eternal Stench."

The girls shared a look, then each grabbed a gnarled, twisted hand. "Be our friend! JINX!"

"Tie?"

"Yeah. Again."

Hoggle was desperately trying to pull his hands loose. "Friend? Why would I be your friend? I don't even know you crazy girls!"

They both put on puppy dog faces, mouths twisting down, bottom lips trembling and tears shining in their eyes. "Pleeeeeeeeeeease."

He tried to resist, tried to fight the guilt, but Hoggle simply couldn't stand against their fool proof, patented Double Beg. With a groan, he muttered, "Fine. I'll be your friend."

"Yes, yes, YES!" Spinning him in circles, they shrieked with glee. Finally released, his head spinning, he sat down hard.

Under his breath, he muttered, "What have you gotten us into now, Jareth?"

A voice answered in his head, resigned. _Don't ask, Hogwin._

"Hoggle!" he squeaked. The girls didn't notice.

_Precisely, Hegbert. Just try and get them through the Labyrinth as quickly as possible._

_Why?_

A mental sigh._ Do you really want them stuck here in the Goblin Kingdom forever?_

Hoggle's eyes went wide, and he frantically shook his head 'no'.

_But why don't you lead them, King Jareth?_

There was a frozen pause._ I- That is, I-_ Then the overwhelming anger burst free._ How dare you question me, Heggly! Do you wish to spend eternity marinating in the Bog of Stench?_

_No, my King!_

Another pause. _Good. Now go forth._

Hoggle sighed and looked up at the two grinning girls.

This was not going to end well.

"Follow me." For once, there were no tricks, no riddles, just Hoggle acting as a highly efficient guide. But that would require actually being able to control or influence the two. And that was, apparently, not happening.

When the huge double doors opened, Diane and Katie stared, eyes and mouths wide. Then they both ran forward, jumping and screaming, "The Labyrinth! We're actually in the Labyrinth!"

Hoggle quickly followed and pointed them straight across the way, at what seemed like just a wall. "The path starts through there."

Instead of confusion, their was general nodding.

"We know."

"It's all about the illusions in this place."

"And that "things are not always what they seem"."

Katie pouted. "I wanted to say that!" And Diane just curtsied.

Hoggle walked over and pulled at their sleeves. "Come on. If we want to get there in time, we should go."

But the friends just shook their heads.

"But we _don't_ want to get there in time."

"We wanna meet the worm dude."

Hoggle didn't know what to make of this, but shrugged. "All right. Where is this "worm dude" then?"

Twin shrugs. "Somewhere along the wall. JINX!" Sighs.

Half an hour later, they finally found the worm in question. And Hoggle was growing increasingly annoyed by the girls. They had spent most of the time arguing about whether Batman was cooler than Doctor Who, (or, for that matter, if the Batmobile was cooler than the Tardis), and speculating on what Sarah must be doing since she left the Labyrinth. When Hoggle spotted the little worm with the red scarf, he wanted to groan in relief.

" 'Ello," the little worm said politely, with a nod of his head.

"HELLO!" the girls screamed.

The worm took it in stride. "Where are you lot headed off to?"

"Well, we're supposed to get to the castle at the center of the Labyrinth, but we're in no hurry," Katie answered, and Diane nodded.

"Oh. Well then, would you like to come in and meet the Missus?"

"Sure."

"We'd love to."

Hoggle stood and stared, mouth open. "We still have a long way to go. We can't stop for tea!"

When they turned on him, he wanted to flinch away. They looked far too happy.

"We don't drink tea."

"In fact, we're not supposed to have caffeine."

"Our moms say it makes us too excitable."

"Now why would they think that?" Hoggle mumbled.

"But we're always open for cake or sandwiches," Diane smiled.

"Well then, come right on in."

They took in the small hole the worm was nodding at, and shrugged. "Okay."

Hoggle slammed his hand against his forehead. This day was never going to end.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Confusing the Riddlers

a/n Yeah, they get distracted really easily. And the song lines I quote are from the musical "Pippin". Just go with it.

An hour later, the girls waved goodbye to Mr. Worm.

"Tell your wife the cake was to die for!" Diane called.

Mr. Worm smiled, "It'll be my pleasure. Remember to come on by again and visit!"

"Absolutely."

"You betcha!"

Hoggle hopped up from where he had fallen asleep, leaning against the wall. "Are you two ready to go, yet?" His face was hopeful, but his voice was irate.

They nodded and walked confidently _through_ what appeared to be a solid wall, then turned left.

Hoggle ran after them as they skipped away. "Stop! The castle is the other way!"

This was met with an outburst of singing. _You'll be through in just a while when you're on the right track!_

"In memory of Sarah, we should write on the cobblestones," Katie announced.

"Do we even have any make-up?" Diane asked.

Both girls checked the pockets of their new outfits.

Katie held up her hands, "I got... glitter."

Diane sighed dreamily and grinned down at her own sparkling hands. "Me too."

"So, should we ask?"

"Ask who?"

"Ronald McDonald? JARETH, duh!"

"Right."

They stood in silence for a moment and the happiness on their faces began to wilt.

"How the heck are we supposed to call Jareth?"

"I dunno. Insult his Labyrinth?"

"Okay."

Together they drew in a deep breath and started yelling.

"This Labyrinth SUCKS!"

"My grandmother could solve this!"

"There's too much GLITTER!"

Diane spun on Katie, "What did you say?"

Katie flinched back. "Ooops."

With a cry, Diane flew at her friend in pretended rage. "STOP INSULTING THE GLITTER!"

"Woah, woah, woah!" Katie laughed and ran. "It's just a little overwhelming, that's all!"

Diane caught her and held out a twinkling hand, "Apologize for insulting Jareth's trademark, or you'll be sparkling like a Christmas tree until Halloween!"

"That might actually be a little cool."

Hoggle rolled his eyes and gave up, walking past them and hoping they'd follow. And that they wouldn't. It wasn't until Hoggle was long out of sight that they stopped listing off things they should be for Halloween (ranging from Jedi Knights to Disney Princesses), and noticed the dwarf's absence.

Diane sighed, "Is it just me, or does everyone keep disappearing on us?"

Katie responded with a nod. "So where do we go now? It doesn't seem like Jareth's going to be showing up any time soon."

"Uh... Follow the yellow brick road?" Diane shrugged.

"Is there one?"

"Maybe. Possibly."

"That would sort of make sense. I mean, we've got three companions and a dog who traveled with Sarah, right?"

"Okay."

"So that would make Sarah, and -by proxy- us Dorothy."

"But does that mean Jareth is the Wicked Witch of the West-"

"The villain of the piece."

"-or Glinda the Good Witch?"

"Who first sets Dorothy and her companions off on their journey. Huh. Good question."

By this time, they had begun walking again, not paying any attention to where they were going. Then they both saw it at the same time.

"A RED ARROW!"

"Jinx! You owe me a soda!"

"Dang it."

They hurried over to the stone in question. And there it was: an unmistakable arrow marked in crimson lipstick. It pointed down the right path at the fork.

There wasn't a moment taken to consider possibilities. The girls simply ran the way the arrow pointed.

Mere moments later, they found themselves standing before the riddling doors. The doorkeepers, two peeking out from behind the tops of the shields, two peering out from the bottom, gave the girls a wide eyed look.

"Hi, boys! JINX!"

"We really need to quit tying."

Diane's evil laugh and _'I won last time'_ look were the only responses needed.

The doorkeepers popped their heads back out and started to speak, but Katie and Diane were too busy debating who owed who what to listen. It was like watching a tennis match, the way the doorkeepers' heads flew back and forth between the two.

Eventually, the friends came to the consensus that Diane owed Katie a soda, and Katie owed Diane two candy bars. Both shook on it, but the doorkeepers were bemused to see Diane and Katie both had their other hands behind their backs, fingers crossed.

After they let go, they turned back to the doors. "You guys were saying?"

"Oh, right. Behind one of these portals is the path that leads to the castle at the center of the Labyrinth-"

"Well, we're really in no rush to get there."

The narrating doorkeeper huffed, "Will you let me finish?"

"Sure."

"Go for it, dude."

"Right." He nodded seriously, then continued, "Behind the other lurks CERTAIN DEATH."

"We're... not really interested in that either. Can you just direct us to the nearest obliette?"

All four doorkeepers blinked. "You want to-"

"Get stuck in an obliette. It's on our list of 'Things to do if we ever make it into the Labyrinth'."

"We were also gonna make Hoggle a necklace. But we didn't bring any of our jewelry stuff, so that's unachievable."

"And then we wanted to dance with the Fire Gang-"

"NO. Those things are creepy on an epic scale! We are not going anywhere near them."

"Ah, com'mon, Diane. They're awesome dancers."

"Heck no," Diane responded, shaking her head over and over. "They are psycho puppets! Killers! Evil! Not to mention, super weird."

"Granted," Katie agreed.

"And did you forget they'll probably try and pull our HEADS OFF?"

Katie shrugged. "Fine. We will avoid the Fire Gang at all costs. Happy?"

"Yes!"

They spun back to the doorkeepers, half of whom looked amused, and half of whom looked fearful.

"If you'll just direct us to the nearest obliette, we'll be good."

And the doorkeepers exchanged looks. "What'll you give us if we do?"

The girls' eyebrows rose, and then they smiled in a way that would make anyone uncomfortable.

"How about a kiss?"

"Uh..."

Then Katie started giggling. She covered her mouth with her hands, but the high pitched sounds still escaped. And one of the doorkeepers broke.

"Through here! Go through this door and you'll find an obliette within a couple minutes!"

"Thanks! JINX!"

"Dang."

"Exactly."

The girls sashayed forward, pushing open the door in question and strutted through, casually hopping over the "helping hands hole", as though they knew it would be there.

They winked at each other and danced forward.

And the doorkeepers all shook their heads. "This is not good."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

We're Stuck in an Obliette! FINALLY!

a/n Thank you, my darling Kate Wicker, for the ideas! You rock!

"So, should we go back?" Diane asked peering around.

"Back _where_ exactly?" Katie responded, raising an eyebrow. "Did you forget we're stuck in an obliette?"

"Finally!"

"And there's not really a way to _go_ back."

Diane tilted her head. "I guess that's true. But we totally missed the Wise Man and his bird head."

"I bet we'll run into him at some point. I think it's required."

"That would make sense."

They sat in silence for a minute, then both sighed.

"I miss Jareth."

"Me too."

"And his hair."

"Me too."

"And his outfits."

"Me too."

"And his riding crop of doom."

"Me too."

"And his glitter."

"Me t- NO I DON'T!"

"LIAR!

Katie rolled her eyes. "Fine. I miss it. _A little._"

"You want to be engulfed in a magical shower of peach-scented glitter!" Diane teased.

"FINE! I DO! I LOVE THE GLITTER MORE THAN SKITTLES! OKAY?"

Diane rolled on the ground, holding her stomach and laughing too hard to breathe. katie stuck her hands in her pockets and leaned back against the wall, glaring and muttered, "Shut up."

Finally the giggles subsided and Diane stood, brushing off her princess dress. Then she stopped and tilted her head the other way. "I just had a really bad idea."

Katie raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Jareth... and Skittles."

They stared at each other, then both started jumping up and down.

"That is SUCH a bad idea!" Katie shrieked.

"I KNOW!" Diane screamed.

"WE HAVE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN! JINX!" But they were both too excited to fight over who had won.

Which was when one of the walls swung open. And standing there, backlit, collar raised high around a fluff of hair, velvet pants absurdly tight, sparkles radiating out from around him was-

"JARETH!" In a bound and a leap, Diane plowed into the Goblin King, who lost his balance and fell flat on his back. And Diane stretched out on top of him, clinging to the ruffles of his shirt, nuzzling her nose into the vee of exposed flesh.

"Mmmmmmmmm!"

Katie stomped her foot. "I need a camera, dang it!"

Jareth was frozen for only a moment, then tried to sit up or free himself from the girl's desperate hold. It was useless. She simply _wouldn't let go. _The rage, and deeply hidden terror, built up in him, expanding through his chest, until he boomed, "KATIE, GET DIANE TO REMOVE HERSELF!"

Katie grinned and shrugged, but then hurried over and tugged at Diane's poofy sleeve. "Diane, I don't think he can breathe. He's turning purple. And it's not just make-up."

Diane jumped to her feet, eyes wide. "Oh crap! BREATHE, JARETH! BREATHE! YOU CAN'T DIE!"

Jareth coughed, drew in a deep breath and pushed himself back upright, scowling. "I am the Goblin King," he replied pompously. "A little lack of air cannot kill me."

"Well, in that case-" The girls shared an evil grin.

And Jareth found himself buried under both of them as they made more of those aggravating, high-pitched noises.

"GET YOURSELVES OFF OF ME!" Jareth yelled, voice thin from lack of air.

They pushed closer.

Jareth was suffocating. In despair, he focused down his right arm, which had been flung out from his body when the girls pounced. Slowly, the light gathered and crystalized in his hand into the shape of a clear globe.

His fingers convulsively tightened on it, then he pulled his arm in and smashed the crystal down of the backs of the girls, and whispered, "Forget!"

Two girls stood side-by-side, holding hands, and their eyes flickered in a rush over the marble ballroom.

It was expansive and shining, with delicate sets of beribboned tables and chair dotting the edges of the floor. Hanging between the vastly high columns were strings of flowers and ribbons, speckled with miniature, glowing stars. Fans, Oriental and European, beautifully hand-painted, hung against all the walls and fluttered with each passing rush of air.

The room was spinning with dancing couples dressed in elaborate costumes, from all ages and locations, their faces hidden behind exquisite masks. Everyone was disguised as someone else, and the anonymity seemed tantalizing and wonderful. The expansive chamber was cool, despite the teeming, brimming masses of humanity twining back and forth within it. And the atmosphere was one of danger and delight.

Finally, the two turned their eyes to each other. Both wore their hair twisted up. One had blonde curls, set off by the small, deep black flowers pinned in it. Pearls shone in the dark brown tangles of the other girl. Both were decked out in elegant ball gowns, the same colors as the adornments in their swept back locks. At their throats and ears hung deliciously forged jewelry of a fragile silver, cast into a semblance of soft, gleaming cobwebs.

Neither of the girls recognized anything. It was all a blur. They couldn't remember who they were. But their cool hands never loosened from their hold on the other's hand.

They might not know themselves. They might not know each other. But they still knew the girl beside them was their friend.

A series of look and silent conversation were exchanged.

_Any clue where we are?_

_Nope. Do you have any idea who I am?_

_Uh-uh._

_Me neither._

_Weird._

_Very._

Their eyes were drawn, almost hypnotically, back to the dancers.

"I don't-" "Yeah, me too." "Then does that mean-?" "Wouldn't someone-?" "I guess so."

Two masked men wove through the twirling couples and, together, bowed before the girls, hands held out to invite them to join the flitting pairs who thronged the floor.

_Should we-?_

_No. Not until we know what's going on._

_Agreed._

They both shook their heads at the gentlemen and backed away.

"Do you remember _anything?_"

"Um... Something about... glitter."

"And peaches."

"Yeah."

"Huh," they said together. Then instinct took over, and they yelled, "JINX!"

At the familiar word, Katie and Diane's eyes flew wide, as their memories came rushing back to them.

"We were in the Labyrinth!"

"And Hoggle!"

"And Mr. Worm!"

"And the doorkeepers!"

"And the obliette!"

"And Jareth!"

"And we attacked!"

"And he yelled!"

"And we wouldn't-!"

"And so he-!"

They both glared upward.

"You rat!"

"You jerk!"

"YOU TRIED TO SPELL US! JINX!"

And Jareth, staring down into the crystal they were caught in, let his mouth drop open. "How, by the shadows of the moon, did they _remember?_" Then he watched as they began to yell and scream, break things and shake their fists up at him. And he groaned.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

a/n Thank you so much everyone who has reviewed and enjoyed! I'll do my best to keep it going, and keep it entertaining!

Jareth spun the clear, shimmering ball back and forth between his hands and sighed. He understood that the enchantment that held his biggest fans imprisoned in the crystal would not last much longer. They had already broken half the requirements of the spell by remembering. Now it was only a matter of time.

Meanwhile, Diane and Katie had spent twenty minutes terrorizing the other guests, who had discovered the best friends were not as easy to disorient or scare as past visitors. The dancers were now all packed against one wall. Directly opposite the room from the girls.

The two in question were now sitting on top of a table, feet on chairs, popping the cakes, set out on the table in rose-shaped display, into their mouths.

Around a bite of pastry, Katie mumbled, "This would be awesome and super cool, except-"

Diane swallowed and finished. "No Jareth."

"No Jareth."

"Do you think he's still watching?".

"Oh, definitely," Katie responded, sticking out her tongue at the ceiling.

Diane passed Katie another tiny cake. "Here. I think it's strawberry."

"Yummy."

Diane laughed. "Everything tastes good here. It's probably part of all the magic woo-woo."

"I'll go with that. And I've gotta admit, these dresses are _fine_. Very Margot Lane from _The Shadow_."

Diane giggled. "We should figure out a way to get into that movie, too!"

Katie grinned. "That would be abso-spiffing-lutoley splendid! But Jareth-"

Diane sighed like a girl in love, "Jareth."

"Yeah. It really would be better all around if he just GOT USED TO US!"

Jareth heard the yell, as Katie had intended, and shook his head. "Not if it took an eternity, ladies."

Either they didn't hear him, or pretended they hadn't.

"Think we can keep the dresses?"

"It's not gonna be easy to get around in them."

"But-"

"Do you want to be able to run away if we stumble into the Fire Gang?"

Diane frowned. "Dang it."

"Not to mention, we need shoes."

They peered down at their bare feet. Katie scrunched up her nose. "He seriously sent us to a ball _shoeless_. That is so wrong. Epic Fail. I miss my boots."

"Same," Diane leaned back. "I'm getting bored. I mean, the food is great and all, but the company sucks."

They both glanced over at the folks avoiding them, who flinched when they realized the had the girls' attention.

"It wouldn't be so bad if the band knew any songs besides classical."

"Hey!" Diane bounced up. "Don't knock the classical music! Classics are classics for a reason, Katie."

"I'm just saying that I'd take Linkin Park over Mozart any day of the week."

"Granted."

"Or Evanescence."

"Or Keen."

"Or Styx."

"Technically, their classic rock."

"Classic rock is completely and utterly different from classical music!"

Diane lay back down and closed her eyes. "If you say so."

"I do!"

It was a couple moments later that Katie poked Diane. "Diane. Diane!"

Diane swatted Katie's hand away. "What?"

"Check it out!"

They both stared up at the ceiling, where great cracks were spidering out, and down the walls.

Jareth threw the crystal high, and it shattered into a million shards.

When the miniature glass storm passed, the two friends stood side-by-side, hands on hips, wearing their party outfits. "Hi, Jareth. JINX!"

He discreetly moved farther away. "Congratulations, girls. I don't know if I will ever be able to use the masquerade enchantment again. You have caused more trouble to the people trapped within then I have ever seen. They may refuse to work with me to confuse the runners after this."

"Sorry. JINX!"

Jareth shook his head and sighed, "Will you girls please finish your run through the Labyrinth? Time is wasting."

"Sure, sure," Katie replied. Then she looked pointedly down at her clothes. "Can we wear something else?"

The Goblin King winced, then nodded and snapped.

One shower of glitter later, the two stood there. Diane wore the outfit of a Jedi Knight. She grinned and started bouncing as she pulled the lightsaber off her belt and pushed the button.

Out pulsed a ray of red laser light, shining and glowing. She swept it back and forth and chopped off a slice of Jareth's collar.

"Ooops!" she giggled, and powered it down.

Jareth didn't even respond, just reached out and took the lightsaber gently away, then broke it in half over his knee.

Katie wore a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt with Jareth's face on it. She stared over at her friend. "Well, I feel like I've been upstaged." Then sighed and spun to Jareth, "Can I have a different outfit?"

Jareth glared. "NO. Get going. NOW."

"Fine. Be that way," Katie frowned and crossed her eyes at him. "At least I've got my sexy boots back," she admired the shoes on her feet, pointing her toes.

Diane giggled again, then grabbed Katie's hand and dragged her back towards the path, and out of the small courtyard they had appeared in.

"Later, Jareth!"

"We love you, Jareth!"

And they skipped off into the distance.

Jareth made another crystal appear and checked in it. According to the twisted, wrought iron clock on the wall of his throne room read 4:32.

He had eight hours and twenty-eight minutes to get the ladies out of his Labyrinth, out of his kingdom, and out of the Underground, or he was going to eat one of his own enchanted peaches.

_Please just let them leave!_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

a/n Hehe. This story is so much fun! Sorry if it's taking me a little longer to update lately. I have friend who geeks out with me, and I need her around to have my characters geek out. Which means I have an excuse to kidnap her more often! *griiiiiin*

"Hey, Diane!" She spun to her best friend, who held a-

"Is that a ... _blaster?_" Diane asked in reverential tones.

Katie smiled widely. "I totally stole it off your belt!"

"WHAT? GIVE IT BACK!" Diane yelled, hands on hips in the attitude of an angry parent.

Katie dissolved into giggles. "You look... hee-hee-hee... just, HA, just like your... _snort_, MOM!"

Diane froze, then spun and posed. "My mom is awesome!"

"This I cannot deny," Katie responded solemnly, before pulling the blaster from behind her back. "What shall we do first?"

"What do you mean?"

Katie shook her head. "We have a _blaster_, my dear."

Diane tilted hers in confusion.

"We can WRITE ON THE WALLS!"

"Are you telling me you want to graffiti the Labyrinth?"

"Does it count if you draw pictures of Jareth and I write the song lyrics?"

A malicious smiled spread across Diane's lips. "NO. It _totally_ doesn't!"

"Exactly, darling," Katie replied, her words mocking Jareth's regular tone.

It was another hour before they moved on. And by then, the stone walls of the Labyrinth were covered in burned pictures of chibi Jareth's and Sarah's, and every line of speech and song from the movie.

(They only stopped after the Goblin King reappeared, surveyed the damage, held his head in his hands, and smashed the blaster into little pieces, before the two girls tried to attack him again and, in desperation, he disappeared.)

"So, now where are we going?

"Please, please, _please_ can we visit the Wise Man?"

"I wanna see the Fire Gang!"

"NO! We've been through this, Katie! They're PSYCHOPATHS!"

"WE'RE PSYCHOPATHS!"

"ONLY WHEN WE HAVE TOO MUCH SUGAR AND NOT ENOUGH SLEEP!"

They both stood, panting, then Katie glared. "Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock to decide?"

"Fine."

"Fine!"

In the end, Diane won with her classic choice: Spock.

Katie groaned, and they began wandering between the stone walls again. Then Katie laughed.

"What?"

"You do realize we have no idea how to get to either the Wise Man, or the Fireys."

"Oh." Diane shrugged, "True. Then what do we do?"

"Keep wandering around?"

"That'll work."

They had no idea where they were going and walked in silence. Then started arguing about another of their favorite movies: Lord of the Rings.

"I still think Aragorn and Legolas are the perfect pair."

"But not in that way?"

"Yeah. Aragorn's got Arwen. Legolas is... not gay, but not really straight I just don't picture him _with_ someone. Still, you've gotta admit, the way Aragorn and Legolas know what the other is thinking, and finish each other's sentences-"

"Yeah, that's cute."

"It's awesome, Diane!"

She laughed, and Katie grinned.

"So, which one would you pick?"

"You mean I can't have both?"

Diane shook her head decisively."No way. We've been through this. We share and share alike! That's why you can't have both!"

"Lamesauce."

They both laughed.

Peering around, they spun in circles until they were dizzy.

"Okay, so we officially have no idea how to get anywhere at this point, right?"

"Right."

"So what _do_ we do?"

"Argue about Harry Potter versus Lord of the Rings?"

"Lord of the Rings kicks H.P.'s magic butt, no question."

Katie walked in silence for a moment. "Crap. I totally agree. Now what are we gonna do?"

"Quote it?"

"Okay! You first!"

"_One does not simply walk into Mordor. It's black gates are guarded by more than just orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep. The great eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire, ash, and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly._"

"Nice one! Okay... Um... Dang it! How about this?_ The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it. The way is shut._"

"Oh yeah! I totally forgot about that."

Katie shrugged modestly, then gave a deep bow. "Thank you! Thank you! You've been a wonderful audience!"

"Who's more evil: Voldemort or Sauron?"

"Um... I dunno. They're both totally evil, and Sauron's all manipulative. But you see Voldemort murderering people, including _kids_, up close and personal. Tie, maybe?"

"Agreed."

They returned to the earlier subject. "Who's hotter: Aragorn or Legolas?"

"That's hard! Come on, Katie!"

"Uh-uh," she shook her head vigorously. "Which one, Diane?"

"Oh man... Aragorn? I guess. But they're both AMAZINGLY attractive, but Aragorn _isn't_ Orly!"

"Granted."

They both sighed deeply, picturing the men in question.

"Now, if they were both here along with Jareth, things would be pretty much perfect."

"Totally agree."

"Harry Potter or Malfoy?" Diane asked.

"The younger or the older?"

"The younger, no duh!"

"Movies or books?"

"Movies."

"Dang. Harry in all of them but _The Half-Blood Prince_. What can I say? Evil-ish people-in-waiting crying are so adorable!"

Diane gave Katie a serious look. "You're weird. And sometimes kinda creepy."

"Says the gal who would attack Doctor Who if she met him."

"I would not!"

"Would too!"

"Would not!"

"Would too!"

"Would no-"

Which was when Jareth appeared, the non-refundable glitter shower exploding around him. The Goblin King looked mad.

But, since he was wearing an all new outfit of opalescent green, the girls really didn't notice his mood.

"Holy awesome emerald-slash-rainbow-shining outfit, Batman!"

"Somehow, that coat is even more epicly fantastic then the last one! Is that even possible?"

"Apparently."

As they moved to approach him, Jareth threw out his arms and practically drained his magic to keep them at least ten feet away from him for the next hour. It only took a few moments for the girls to realize this and throw a tantrum.

"YOU SPELLED US AGAIN!"

"STUPID JARETH!"

"WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR PROBLEM?"

"IT'S NOT LIKE WE'RE GONNA HURT YOU!"

Together: "WE JUST LOVE YOU! _JINX!_"

They glared at each other and Katie nodded that Diane had won. Then they turned their pissed looks on Jareth.

"You really are being a jerk."

"I thought you _wanted_ girls to fall worshiping and drooling at your well-clad feet?"

"Which we are totally willing to do-"

"-in exchange for a lock of you hair-"

"-and one of your coats-"

"-and a crystal-"

"-and a riding crop, if you have an extra-"

"-since we really can't steal your actual riding crop of doom!"

"And a pair of you thigh high leather boots."

"That's all. JINX! DOUBLE JINX!"

Diane frowned. Katie always won on the double jinxes.

"You owe me a soda!" Katie danced around.

If Jareth had been wishing they had forgotten about him, his hopes were dashed as two pairs of sparkling eyes fixed hungrily on him with an intensity that would scare any sane person.

And while the Goblin King wasn't a normal being, he was also smart enough to be terrified of the best friends.

"You still have a long way to go," he started.

"We know," Katie cut in.

"And we kinda don't care," Diane completed. "Although I do kinda miss my Flash comics."

"Uh-huh. And the Nightside books."

"Uh-huh. And Star Trek."

"Definitely. And Bones, and Psych, and Leverage, and Supernatural. Ooo! Jensen Ackles or Jared Padalecki?"

"Who?"

"Sam or Dean Winchester? From Supernatural? I know I've made you watch some! Haven't I?"

"Nope."

"CRAP. I need to fix that. Okay. Orlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, or the dude from Kyle XY?"

"I hate you! Do I really have to pick?"

"YES!"

"But they're all super attractive in different ways!" Diane protested, stomping her foot.

"Diane!"

Diane's head tilted back and forth, and she bounced as she thought. Finally, she came to some kind of painful conclusion. "FINE. Johnny Depp!"

Katie giggled evilly, as Jareth watched them in absolute confusion. These girls simply _didn't make sense_. Half the time they were jumping on him, and the other half of the time they were completely ignoring him, and going on and on about things, places and people Jareth had never heard of before. No spell in the world could make them understandable to him.

"I am _so_ getting you back for this, Katie!"

"How?"

"Urgh!" Diane exclaimed. Then grinned. "Jensen Ackles, Liam Neeson, or Brad Pitt?"

"YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHO JENSEN ACKLES IS!"

"I may not, but you do. 'Cause I've heard you talking about him. A lot. You're obsessive, Katie."

"You SUCK!"

"Now you know how I feel!"

Katie groaned, threw her hands up in the air, and yelled, "JENSEN ACKLES! You _happy now?_"

"Yes!"

"GIRLS!" Jareth's yell blew their hair around their faces like a whirlwind.

They blinked a couple times, then Katie twisted her mouth. "We just get demoted, didn't we?"

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"From ladies to girls."

"That sucks."

In desperation, the Goblin King snapped his fingers and when the girls tried to continue speaking, no sounds came out.

Jareth was expecting annoyance, anger, or even rage. Instead, the girls simply smiled and began communicating in American Sign Language.

Which Jareth didn't understand.

_Well, that wasn't smart of him._

_Agreed._

_Star Trek or Star Wars?_

_I still hate you._

_I still know._

Grins.

_It's a tie, Katie. Deal with it._

Katie pouted._ Lame-sauce._

_And if I asked you the same question?_ Diane raised an eyebrow.

Katie bit her lip._ Yeah, fine. Tie._

Diane smiled triumphantly.

_So, how should we make him pay for this?_

_We can't talk, yell, or sing, so that's out. And we can't get any closer to him, so no poking, or hugging, or pranks. Shoot. What _can_ we do?_

_Shoot him?_

What?

_Kidding! I don't know. Go the wrong way?_

_But we don't even know which was is the right way!_

They both turned to look carefully at Jareth. He felt like a deer caught in the scope of a hunter's rifle.

In an attempt to take back control, he waved his hand to a fork on the right. "I have come to show you the correct path through the Labyrinth."

The girls' eyebrows both went up and they exchanged little nods, and a few hand movements.

_Follow him until he thinks we trust him?_

_Then slip away and get totally and completely lost._

_Agreed! JINX!_

Diane was the faster signer and won.

They smiled and fluttered their lashes at Jareth, then shooed him forward, motioning for him to lead on.

Jareth turned on his heel, already regretting having to turn his back to them. Whenever he couldn't see them, he was grateful, but constantly worried.

He needed to get them _out_ of the Labyrinth, _out_ of his Kingdom, and _out_ of his existence.

And he was dreading the possibility that, somehow, someway, they would find a means to trick him into letting them stay.


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n To all those who received a ton of alerts about my stories in the past 24 hours, sorry about that. But I broke through a bad case of writers block and am trying to catch up on all the stuff I've let fall by the wayside during that time. Thanks for your patience and your continued interest in my writing! -T.H.**

Chapter Seven

a/n These chicks are crazy! Ha!

They had lost Jareth, and he'd never even turned around to check that they were following.

He should have known better.

_Now what?_ Katie signed.

Diane lifted a shoulder. _I don't know. Get our voices back?_

_How?_

_Not a clue._

They sat down, backs to a wall, and sighed.

_I'm hungry again._

_We had all those snacks while we watched the movie, and those yummy sandwiches and cake at Mr. and Mrs. Worm, and all the snack cakes at the masquerade._

Katie pouted._ But, Diane, we don't even know if those last ones were real! I'd kill for some Doritos._

_Or oreos._

_Starburst._

_M&M's._

_Sour cream and onion chips!_

_Cheeseburgers!_

_Dr. Pepper!_

Finally, they stopped and stared at each other, while their stomachs growled, and drool pooled in their mouths.

_That was stupid._

_And now you're as hungry as I am._

_I hate you._

_I love you too, Diane!_

_You suck._

_Only lollipops._

A dazed look. _Mmmm. Lollipops._

_Snickers._

_Twix._

_Milky Way._

Then Diane snapped out of it. _No, Katie! We have to stop!_

_I know. But I'm still hungry!_

_Let's concentrate on getting our voices back._

_HOW?_

They frowned at the ground, then -in unison- rolled their eyes.

_Yeah, I've still got no idea._

_Me neither. So can we find some food? Maybe if we just wait, eventually we'll be able to talk again._

_Maybe_. Diane looked around the little piece of the Labyrinth they were resting in._ Do we have any clue how we got here?_

_Nope._

_Well, crap._

_Yup. Let's ask someone!_ Katie bolted to her feet, smiling.

Pleased at her friend's idea, Diane jumped up too. Then her shoulders slumped, her face fell, and she signed quite forcefully, _HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO ASK ANYONE WHEN WE_ CAN'T TALK?

Katie's smile never wavered. _We write out the question!_

_With what? Jareth already took my blaster, remember?_

Which was when Katie reached in her back pocket and pulled out a black Sharpie. _What true fangirl would ever be caught without something to get signatures with?_

_Katie, you rock!_

She bounced on her toes. _I know. Now, do we go left or right?_

_Left?_

_Awesome! Let the adventure continue._

And they danced off to find another inhabitant of the Labyrinth to tortur-er, befriend.

It was only when he reached the enormous stone gates that protected and contained the Goblin City that King Jareth finally looked behind him.

He covered his face, silently begging whatever deities might listen to let the girls appear beside him when he reopened his eyes. The prayer went unanswered, and when he looked up, the girls were still not there.

"Curses!"

Whirling, the Goblin Ruler threw one crystal after another back towards the Labyrinth, each with a single purpose: to find those girls.

Unaware of the armada of enchanted items searching for them, the best friends were miles from Jareth, and had just tripped over a pair of shovels.

_What the heck_? Diane asked.

Katie tilted her head one way, then the other. Reaching down, she hefted the shovels and leaned them neatly against the nearest wall._ At least no one else fill face plant._

_Yeah, I guess._

Two minutes later, they came to a circular, bright courtyard. The stones were no longer a dirty brick color, but had been replaced by pale yellow cobbles. And there were small flowerbeds, bursting with plants of every shape and color, between the many archways leading in and out of the spot.

And in the exact center of the space was an old fashioned well. The signpost beside it had a plaque that read "Magical Wishing Well!" Hanging from beneath the sign was a small bucket full of bright, copper pennies.

_Well that's not too easy and ominous, or anything_, Katie commented.

Diane nodded her agreement.

They approached slowly, eyes darting around, waiting and watching for an ambush or spell trap. When they reached the well unharmed, Diane raised an eyebrow. _It's worth a try, right?_

Katie hesitated, suspicious. _It just seems too perfect. Like, exactly what we were hoping for. And in most of the fanfics, isn't the whole point of the Labyrinth about teaching people to question everything? Right?_

_Right. But I want to be able to talk. My hands are getting tired from signing so much._

_Okay, yeah. Give me your top tunic thing._

_WHAT?_

_I need something to write on! And the only thing I've got on under my shirt is a bra. I am not walking around an insane, enchanted, fairytale-gone-horribly-wonderfully-wrong kingdom half-naked. You're wearing, like, twelve layers!_

_Only two and a half!_

_That doesn't make any sense! Now, gimme!_

_Fine!_

_Fine!_

It took a few minutes to disconnect the belt and other accessories strapped over the piece of the outfit Diane identified as an "obi", but eventually Katie had the garment in hand. As she pulled out the marker and began marking the tan fabric, Diane fought back tears.

_I've wanted a Jedi outfit for years, and now, because of Jareth being dumb, it's all messed up!_

Katie bit her lip and paused in her writing._ I'm sorry, Diane. I bet we can make him fix it somehow._

_No!_ Diane protested melodramatically. _The whole idea is ruined for me now! _Then a scary sparkle glittered in her eye_. Next time, Star Trek._

_That would be so cool!_

Diane nodded firmly, and then crouched down beside Katie. _So what's it say?_

The brunette held it up for her friend to read.

"Katie and Diane wish to have their voices back."

_That works._

_I thought so. Grab some pennies._

They each scooped up a handful, then peered into the shadowed depths of the well. Exchanging a hopeful look, they pulled out two coins and held their hands over the edge. Together, the coins were dropped and tumbled over and over down the wide, empty space. A pair of "plunk"s, and they broke through the surface of the water.

Immediately, several rhymed lines echoed up out of the well, spoken by a low, mysterious voice. "O traveller who disturbs my rest, wish for what you think is best. Surrender a coin and a boon chant, and what you beg, so shall I grant."

Crossing their fingers, Katie dropped their wish down the brick expanse.

For a few moments, there was silence, then the voice spoke again. But this time, it was far more normal, and surprisingly snotty.

"Huh. Well that's not a request I get everyday. Annoyed His Majesty, I suppose."

The words were condescending, and the girls both glowered at the know-it-all well.

There was a deep sigh, and the THX voice came back on. "Payment is made in good faith. What you ask, you shall have, so I saith."

Katie opened her mouth.

"That's a cop out rhyme!"

Only the words, and Katie's voice, didn't come out of her mouth - they came out of Diane's.

Eyes wide and shocked, Diane's hand flew up to cover her lips. Then she tried to speak.

"What the crap?"

And Diane's voice and words came from Katie.

Spinning on the well, they yelled, "YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP! JINX!"

Unfortunately, neither was sure if they had spoken first, or the other had spoken out of their friend first. They had no idea who had won.

Katie pursed her lips, then signed in a flurry, _You want me to take it from here?_

_Yeah. But keep in mind, if you say something inappropriate, it'll still be my mouth that I'll have to wash out with soap._

_Right. Got it._

The arguments and anger came from Katie, but went through Diane. At first, it was super weird. Then she just pictured herself as Nicole Kidman in The Interpreter, and all was right with the world.

"That was a cheap trick, and you know it!"

They could actually picture the well shrugging. "Listen, girly, you got what you asked for. Just suck it up and move on."

"Don't kid yourself, you pile of bricks! I'm guessing you've messed up wishes before, and that's how you ended up stuck in the Labyrinth. What happened? Your boss get too many complaints and wish you away, or something?"

"The Union turned out to be a bunch of liars and didn't even try to help me!"

Diane signed, _How-?_

_'Cause that's something I can picture one of us making up. A union for wishing wells? Our kinda weird._

_True._

With barely a pause, Katie started in on the well again. "Why are you just lying back and accepting failure? You don't even try anymore, do you? How are you ever supposed to get out of here if you never get any better at your job? I mean, what good, fairest-of-them-all, once-upon-a-time princess is going to ask you for their prince, if they know they're going to get, like, hoof prints instead? Where's your professional pride?"

"Shut up! You don't know anything. You're just some lost, idiotic runner who pissed off King Jareth and got yourself enchanted and needed my help to reverse the spell! I refuse to change the wish fulfillment I granted you! And I don't have to if I don't want to. It's in my friggin' contract!"

"Fine!"

Katie turned to Diane, eyes blazing.

_The shovels._

_Ooooh!_

"We'll be right back, jerk. And you are so going to regret this!"

"Fat chance!" the well snorted.

It changed its tune fast when the girls returned, garden tools in hand, and began scooping up, carrying over, and dumping dirt from the garden patches, into the well.

The magic construct remained stubborn, cursing at them in a dozen languages. (The girls recognized, even if they had no clue what it was saying, French, German, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Russian and Japanese. And Diane signed to Katie, _Finally, the anime addiction comes in handy!_) But it could only hold out so long when they began singing.

_I'm wishing! For the one I love! To find me, today! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Ah, ah, ah, ah, !_

The sides of the well literally trembled as the notes rose higher, and twisted farther off key.

Katie and Diane could sing just fine when they wanted to. But their current goal was simply to make the wishing well miserable enough to put things right so they would go away. And when they started in on the echoes of the song, the well gave an almighty heave, as though trying to pull out its very foundation, then yelled, "ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! I'll change it so the correct voice is in the correct girl! Please, just stop!"

They paused in their rendition of "I'm Wishing" and shared an evil grin more appropriate to the cruel stepmother then Snow White.

"Do it!"

"It's done! It's done! Now leave already!"

The girls looked at each other, but they didn't feel any different. Katie spun on the well and opened her mouth, berating. "Look, you lame excuse for a-" and froze. The sounds coming out of her mouth were hers, and they were said in her own voice.

She stared at Diane, who spoke experimentally, starting out slow and then getting excited. "How much would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris! I have my voice back!"

"Happy dance! JINX!"

They dissolved into fits of giggles.

"Tie?"

"Tie!"

The well shrieked, "NOW LEAVE!"

"Hold your horses! JINX!"

Linking arms, they gleefully ran off to the East. The well breathed a sigh of relief, until they came flying back, poured out all the pennies in the pot, jammed the pouches on Diane's belt full, and spun away again. "Now we can afford something to eat!"

And the well, which had no head to speak of, hunkered down to deal with the very first headache of its existence.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

a/n Quick thank you to all those reviewing and favoriting! Hopefully, this story will continue to be worthy of your appreciation! *wink*

After bothering everyone on their way east (at least, they thought they were headed east), the best friends turned their attention to the land fill where all things lost eventually end up. The Junk Yard was far more expansive then the girls had expected.

"Holy crap but this place is huge!" Diane shouted, shading her eyes as she peered out across the area like some kind of explorer.

Katie shrugged. "Considering how much stuff we lose on a regular basis, is it really that surprising?"

"I guess not." As she stared out at the heaped piles of junk, Diane grimaced. "I feel like we're Sam and Frodo, about to head into Mordor."

Katie shook her head, face twisted in disgust. "Heck no! Not unless you get to be the 'woe-is-me', whiny baby hobbit that no one really like."

"You're saying no one likes me?" Diane accused.

"No," Katie smirked. "But I am saying that I'm the loyal, awesome, lovable, protective-to-the-point-of-almost-but-not-quite-being-gay hobbit that everyone loves."

Diane punched her easily in the arm.

"Ow!"

"You are so not nice enough to me to be Sam!"

"Am too!"

"Are not!"

"AM TOO!"

"ARE NOT!"

"AM TOO"

"ARE NOT INFINITY!"

They glared at each other for a few minutes, then Katie looked away first and mumbled, "Cheater."

"I don't care!" Diane replied smugly. "I won."

"Shut up and let's go already," Katie groaned, brooding, then strode forward, with Diane tagging along behind her.

...

The Goblin King was ready to despair, waiting for his crystals to locate the twin causes of his migraine.

Lounging across the throne, head in his hands, massaging his temples with long, gloved fingers, he was seriously considering asking the Labyrinth to find a new ruler. The girls were running out of time. Which essentially meant Jareth was running out of time. And if they were going to stay forever, he was throwing himself in the path of the Cleaners.

He had just received twenty-seven letters of complaint from various denizens of the Labyrinth complaining of the girls' behavior.

The punk-rock, royal blond transported himself to his potion room, and cursed as the glitter cloud obscured his vision. Normally, he found the glitter disorienting for those he wished to torment. But now, with he himself so out of sorts, the magical iridescence on the wind seemed confused about who it was meant to bother.

Once the air had cleared, he strode forward and pulled bottle after oddly shaped, strangely colored bottle off the tall shelves. Reading each label carefully, he disregarded and smashed them when they were not what he was searching for in his frenzied quest. The sound of his growls and the shattering of glass brought a dozen goblins up to peak around the door frame. As he spun back around, with uncharacteristic intelligence, they quickly retreated out of sight.

Finally, he found what he was looking for, in an hourglass shaped bottle a poisonous shade of blue. The warning label on the back read that the potion was "guaranteed to obliterate any pesky headaches", and that it would only take "3 to 5 sips" for it to take affect.

Jareth debated for a moment, then uncorked and upended the vessel, sucking down the stream of vicious liquid until there was none left.

Dropping the container, he stumbled back out the door and down the winding stone stairs, head light. Reaching the audience hall, he clomped onto the dais and collapsed heavily onto the throne. Leaning back carefully, balance impaired, he sighed and grinned, letting his eyes fall shut.

For a few blessed moments, the sexy king was able to drink in he peaceful, dazed warmth that had arrived after the consumption of the entire bottle of potion.

Then the crystal he had left in a tall, dragon claw stand beside the throne lit up, drifted right in front of his face, and insisted on showing him one place after the next, the bright flashes of light aggravating Jareth still further.

And to top it all off, his spying crystals had yet to discover the location of the runners.

All the goblins rushed to hide, as the deafening, inarticulate roar echoed through the castle like thunder. It was not a good day to draw their King's attention.

After all, his magic was acting up and so far useless in containing the girls, the best friends he wanted gone were still in the Labyrinth, the inhabitants of the Labyrinth were only steps from rebellion, and His Highness King Jareth, Supreme Ruler of his Dominion, was drunk.

Most definitely not a good day for the Kingdom.

...

"Oh my gosh! Who would lose this?"

Diane held up a patchwork cloak of purple and crimson velvets.

Katie's brows came together. "Why? What is it?"

"It's the original Invisibility Cloak from the first Harry Potter movie! The second director claimed the first one had stolen it, but the first director kept denying, saying the props department had lost it. Guess they did."

"Yeah, well guess what I just found." Katie sounded stunned at her own discovery and held up an old, wooden chalice that radiated an overwhelming aura of peace and goodwill.

"I don't know what that is, Katie."

"Diane, I JUST FOUND THE HOLY GRAIL!"

"SERIOUSLY?"

"SERIOUSLY!"

"Indiana Jones, eat your heart out! JINX!... Tie. JINX!"

"You win."

"Thank you!"

The two friends held up the trophies of their search, grinning triumphantly. Then groaned and threw them aside.

"I keep getting sidetracked."

"Me too."

"What are we looking for again, Katie?"

"Food, my child. I mean, so far no one's willing to trade anything for all the pennies we took from that stupid well. So, food that hasn't gone bad, or will magically make us shrink, or anything."

"Huh?"

"Alice in Wonderland? The "drink me" bottle and the "eat me" cake?"

"Oh. But that could be cool!"

"I'm opposed to making us smaller then the goblins. Or becoming teensy dolls that Jareth could play with."

"That wouldn't be so bad. In the right circumstances."

"Unfortunately, I really don't think these are the right circumstances, sweetheart."

"True."

"Exactly."

Twenty minutes later, they met up again, each with a bag of their findings.

Katie plopped down on a broken rocking chair, and raised an eyebrow. "Well?"

Diane frowned, pulled up a ripped footrest opposite the brunette, and started pulling things out of the bag. "I've got loose skittles, m&ms, gummy bears and cheerios, like you find under the floor mat in every car in existence. A dozen already opened tootsie rolls, and unwrapped lollipops and suckers covered in lint, most likely from someone's couch. Three doggie bags, containing a half-eaten mushroom and bacon omelet, a half-eaten chimichunga, and a half-eaten French Dip Sandwich, with no French Dip. Probably all this stuff was stuck in the back of refrigerators and never finished. And some kid's bag of Halloween candy." She looked down at her pile as though it caused her pain. "Please tell me you found something better."

Katie shook her head and poured out her own haul.

"Some mints and butterscotches I'd bet got lost in some old lady's purse; twenty-odd fries that must have been dropped on a kitchen or restaurant floor; all the vegetables that kids all over the world purposefully loose when their pets won't eat them either; and a pack of candy necklaces and bracelets."

They exchanged an exasperated gaze, then threw the bags over their shoulders.

"I give up," Katie whined. "I'm hungry! But there's nothing to eat!"

Diane, walked across to pat her friend on the head. "We'll find something sooner or later. I'm sure it's against the rules for Jareth to let us starve.

"So until he shows up with an enchanted peach, or a pizza delivery guy, let's see if we can find any of the things we've lost down the years."

Katie rose to her feet and her lips pouted determinedly. "All right, Diane. Let's do this thing."

"That's the spirit!"

...

The potion's effects were finally beginning to wear off, and the hangover was coming on when one of the crystals finally chirped that it had found something.

Jareth wanted to wave the annoying, glowing ball away, but he needed to know where those crazy girls were.

The magical tool showed him a view of the two digging through the piles of discarded and abandoned items that filled the Junk Yard. He knew he could simply transport himself there with his powers, but Jareth wasn't sure he was quite sober enough to do so without destroying something. It was only a ten minute walk, if he took a few of the back passages.

After all, what harm could come from giving the girls another ten minutes in the Junk Yard?

...

"Look what I found! JINX!"

"You win, you win! Now, check it out!"

"Oh my gosh! I found my old ring, too!"

"Katie, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"We're in a kingdom where enchantments and magic are real, and we always believed these rings could use powers like that to transport us to alternate dimensions, so they just might work since we found them here?"

"Exactly! We need to find a door!"

"There's one!"

The sound of running and panting.

"Okay. On three."

"One, two, three!"

...

When Jareth arrived in the Junk Yard, he was pleased to see the best friends sitting on a sagging, lime green couch, frowning.

"Well that didn't work out the way I'd hoped."

"I know. Lamesauce."

Then they looked up and saw the Goblin King.

"Jareth!"

"Did you bring us food?"

"What took you so long to find us?"

"Can you fire that stupid wishing well?"

"How come no one ever wants pennies?"

"Do you think if I dressed more like you, I could get the Beast from _Beauty and the Beast_ to like me?"

he's a Beast, Katie!"

"Not at the end! At the end, he's that hot guy. I think his name's Adam, or something."

"He's still a cartoon! And Belle is all about the understated outfit, with natural beauty shining through."

"Yeah, but all I'd have to do would be wear something eye-catching and absurdly sparkly to catch his attention, and then I could awe him with my great sense of humor, and my awesome personality."

"You're on drugs, Katie."

"Yeah, well if I am, I'm not sharing them!"

"I don't do drugs."

"NEITHER DO I!"

Snort. "Sure."

"Ladies, please. I am not currently in a state of mind where I am able to process your inane babbling."

"Name three guys sparkles are not sexy on."

"Um... Edward Cullen..."

"No duh."

"And... Frank N. Furter..."

"He's a creep."

"And, uh...Thomas?"

"Thomas who?"

"From the Dresden Files?"

"He's sexy!"

"Yeah, but in sparkles?"

"If a friggin' vampire can pull off a skintight, white Buffy the Vampire Slayer t-shirt, he can pull of sparkles."

"Whatever,"

"Ladies."

They finally turned back to the Goblin King, who was no longer even actually trying to get their attention.

"Yes, Jareth? JINX!"

Then Katie looked at him more closely. "Jareth, you don't look so good. Are you okay?"

"NO, I SODDING WELL AM NOT! YOU TWO ARE MAKING A MOCKERY OF MY LABYRINTH AND DRIVING MY VASSALS BATTY! WHY CAN'T YOU BLOODY WELL FINISH THE RUN AND GET OUT OF MY KINGDOM?"

The girls stared at him in shock, as he bent over, breathing hard from the outburst, face red.

"Jeez. Repressed anger issues, much?"

"Be nice, Katie. He's probably just having a bad day."

"Huh. Well he doesn't have to take it out on us."

Diane sighed, smiling like she was in a dream. "But that kind of rage is a passionate emotion, right?"

"Right?"

"So, by that argument, it means he feels passionately about us!"

Katie's frown turned itself upside-down, and Jareth watched in horror as it spread like the Cheshire Cat's.

"Oh, Jareth, that's so sweet!" she announced, and the two girls began to advance on him.

"Oh bloody hell."He wasn't sure if the potion had worn off enough, or if his head could take it, but he didn't care. Drawing on his currently wanky abilities, Jareth poofed himself away, leaving behind a pile of glittering ashes. The glitter had caught on fire.

"Huh."

"Mm-hmm."

"Now what?"

"North?"

"Sure, why not."

The girls grinned at each other, and turned to their left.

...

Meanwhile, back in the throne room, the twisted clock above the great fireplace ticked to 7 o'clock.

Six hours left.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

a/n Yeah, they are really driving Jareth insane. I apologize to all those who feel sad for the poor Goblin King. *laugh* But, com'mon. We may love him like crazy, but he kinda deserves a taste of his own creepy, stalker medicine. *grin*

Desperation.

It was that basic emotion that caused the Goblin King to swallow his pride and ask for help.

"I've called you here to, ugh, _request_ your help in dealing with the current runners."

"What is this thou sayest, o King? We shall not help ye to further trouble those who do travel through thy Labyrinth! We learned, by the travails of our wondrous boon companion Lady Sarah, that thou art a right villain, Majesty. Never shall we be of aid to thee."

"Ludo Sawah's fwiend. Not huwt giwls. Not hewp Jaweth."

Jareth groaned and ran his hand over his head, rubbed his face, shifted from one foot to the other, and then appeared to give up. "Please."

There was shocked silence.

"What ist this strange word thou speakest?"

"Jaweth say pwease?"

"That's right. I'm _asking._ I will give you whatever you ask, to the extent of half my kingdom, or allowing you constant opportunities to visit Sarah, if you will simply help the runners finish the game and win, before the clock chimes 13 o'clock."

"Thou wishest us to go forth and _aid_ these fair maidens?"

"Yes. I want you to go find them, get them here, by whatever means necessary, and convince them to complete their run before their time is up."

More silence.

"Ludo hewp giwls."

"Indeed. My brother and I shall go forth to protect and guide the worthy maids through this insidious maze that thou rulest."

After they had left, Jareth sighed heavily, then sat back in his chair. He needed a rest, where he was not constantly worrying about the girls. Let Ludo and Sir Didymus deal with them for a while.

...

"Wolverine or Cyclops?"

"Wolverine, no duh!"

"Wolverine or _Gambit_?"

"You suck."

"Yup."

"No. You really, really suck."

"And?"

Diane sighed. "Gambit."

"Huh," Katie raised an eyebrow. "I was gonna say Wolverine."

"Of course you were. Hugh Jackman, sweetie."

The brunette grinned toothily. "Oh _yeah_. That man is _hot_."

"Okay, Anakin, Obi-Won, Luke or Han?"

"Which Obi-Won?"

"Ewan McGregor, not the old dude."

"None of the above."

"What? If you say Qui-Gon, I'm gonna kill you."

"Nope. Chewy. Wookies are cooler then humans."

Diane giggled. "You are such an enormous _geek_."

"So are you, Miss I-have-a-Doctor-Who-quote-for-every-situation!"

"Like what?"

"Uh, in the garage, looking for some tools for your dad. And you found a screwdriver?"

"Oh yeah."

"And I quote you quoting: Who looks at a screwdriver and says, hey, this could be a little more sonic?"

"Me quoting you, quoting Supernatural: Planes crash! Yeah, and apparently clowns kill!"

"You wish you were as sexy as the Winchesters!"

"You wish you were as smart as the Doctor!"

Then they both burst out laughing. Finally, Katie gasped for breath and said, "Yup. We are definitely, first-class, take-no-prisoners geekables."

"What?"

"Geekables? I think it should be a candy. With, you know, little dorky quotes and facts on the inside of each package."

"That would be cool. Chocolate?"

"Nah. Fruity. And brightly colored. Way more fun to throw at people while you're in a movie theater."

"True."

Which was when a very familiar, fluffy white dog with a knightly fox riding on its back came charging around the corner.

"Hail and well met, fair ladies! I am come forth to help thee in thy quest to-"

"SIR DIDYMUS!" In moments, Katie had covered the distance and had the fox off his "noble steed" and squeezed in her arms. "I love you so much! Your English is absolutely ABSURD! You rock!"

Ambrosias, the fluffy dog had begun backing up as soon as he saw his master's peril. Then Diane was there, digging her fingers into his thick fur and giving him the best scratch of his life.

"Ambrosias! Ambrosias, help me! AMBROSIAS!"

But the animal in question was too busy rolling onto his back and grinning a doggy grin at the blonde to even consider going to the aid of his knight.

"_BROTHER! I BESEECH YOU TO RESCUE ME!_"

Ludo came lumbering around the corner and tipped his head sideways in confusion. There were many things that Ludo did not understand, and the scene before him was clearly one of these.

Up until Diane and Katie abandoned their newest target-er, _acquaintances_, and ran at Ludo.

"LUDO! _JINX!_"

"You've always been so awesome!"

"And you helped Sarah!"

"And you fought Sir Didymus!"

"And you're all huge and fuzzy!"

"And you have the sweetest eyes!"

As they hugged him tightly, praising him up and down, a wide grin spread across his monstrous face. "Fwiends?" he asked, guileless.

They both pulled him down to simultaneously give him a kiss on each cheek.

"Absolutely!"

"Definitely!"

"I would be so happy to be your friend Ludo."

"So would I!"

The grin got bigger. "Ludo's new fwiends."

"I'm Katie."

"And I'm Diane."

"And we think you're basically the nicest character in this entire movie."

"Not to mention that thing with the rocks is fantastic!"

"Oh yeah!"

"Do not trust them, my brother! They are no kindly maidens, but fearsome opponents! I believest that they are such that are known as "fan-girls". Our safety ist at risk, Brother Ludo! We must attack or flee to escape the reaches of the terrible obsession harbored within them!"

Ludo ignored the angry fox's words and told the girls, "Hewp new fwiends find castle?"

The girls smiled.

"No, no. That's okay. Sometimes it's just not worth fighting off the zombies and orc hordes just to be the first to get in the throne room and kill off the tyrant king."

"Totally. But could you show us to the False Alarms? I've always wanted to poll them."

"About what?"

"How Jareth's doing as king of the Labyrinth. Whether they wished they had better lines. If they think the Republicans or the Democrats are going to run the Congressional Congress after the next election. Which of _The Fast and the Furious_ movies was the best. Stuff like that."

Diane shook her head at her friend. "Everyone knows the first one had the best plot, the second one had the best cars, the third one had the best stunts, and the fourth one killed off one of the best characters in the first few minutes."

"Yeah, but they might think differently! I mean, they're giant stone heads!"

"Do you think they're related to the ones on Easter Island?"

"Huh. Maybe they're all cousins, or something."

"BROTHER! WE MUST ESCAPE!"

Ludo looked down at the fox and shook his head ponderously. "No. Ludo have new fwiends. Ludo hewp fwiends."

"Thank you!"

Sir Didymus huffed, swished his sword about a few times, and then resheathed it. "Very well. We shall make our quest to survive ye two, and even shall prove the valiance of our hearts by showing such evil through to thy destination."

"That's sweet," Katie grinned.

"Where wouldst thou have us lead thee?"

"THE WISEMAN!" "THE FIREYS!"

"_KATIE!_"

"_DIANE!_"

The glare made Ludo uncomfortable and he heavily tapped both of their shoulders. "Giwls fwiends?"

They spun to him and immediately forced the glares away, reassuring the large animal. "Yeah, yeah, we're friends." "We just don't always agree." "But that's part of being friends. Right?" "Right."

Ludo smiled again and nodded. "Good."

The two girls turned to each other, calculating, then shrugged at the same time. "False Alarms. JINX!"

"Angels and ministers of grace, defend us," Sir Didymus sighed, turning Ambrosias and taking the lead through the maze.

Ludo kept grinning.

It wasn't long before the girls were again debating things which made no sense to the Labyrinth dwellers.

"In regards to Pineapplism, do you think Shawn Spencer is the _founder_, or more a holy-slash-highly-regarded example, like the Buddha?"

"Probably the second, 'cause he loves pineapple, but I don't think the idea of making that a religion ever crossed his mind."

"Yeah, that sounds right."

"Are you an honorary member?"

"Of the National Church of Pineapple? Nah. That's more a _Psych_ thing."

"If Shawn _had_ started it, who do you think he could get to join?"

"He'd trick Gus, somehow. And I can see Buzz signing up when he finds out you can still be involved in other religions. But I think the rest wouldn't be pulled in."

"Juliet would laugh her head off."

"Well, yeah."

"Why did they decide to name the character Juliet anyway?"

"Maybe hinting at having her and Shawn as star-crossed lovers through most of the series."

"That makes sense. And it's really not fair to the viewers, but it does make sense."

"Oh yeah! Shawn, Gus or Lassie?"

"Shawn and Gus are kind of a package deal, Diane."

"Just pick, Katie."

"Shawn, no duh."

"Same."

"Okay, Arthur, Dom or Eames?"

"Why are we switching to _Inception_?" Diane asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Child, we're wandering around a Labyrinth that feeds on our imaginations to create more of itself, if we go by the fanfics. Sound familiar to a dreamscape to you?"

"Okay, yeah. Arthur. He oozes sexiness. How about you?"

She bounced on her feet a little, then shrugged. "Arthur _is_ super sexy, but Eames is a hoot."

"True. What I find funny is the fact that Dom is supposed to be the figure of heroic sacrifice, and mysterious, painful romance, but neither of us is interested in him that way."

"Well, yeah. He's got Mal. Or had her, anyway."

"But Arthur has Ariadne!"

"Okay, true."

"Which leaves Eames-"

"-who probably has a different girl for every day of the week-"

"-when slash fans aren't writing him and Arthur as a couple."

They both sighed. "And all that's left is-"

"Yusuf and Saito."

"Who are cool, and all-"

"-but also old and not that good looking."

"I dunno. There's a certain appeal to the utter coolness and control of Saito."

"Granted."

Sir Didymus finally spoke up, disbelief heavy in his voice. "Art thou enchanted to speak only nonsense, O most fearful fan-girls?"

The brunette rounded on the fox, whose "noble steed" flinched back and away. "We already told you, Sir Didymus- I'm _Katie_ and this is _Diane_. And we may be fangirls, but that's totally a state of mind, not a title."

"Retreat, thou unholy fan-girl!" was his response, as he whipped out his blade again, waving it wildly around. "I and my brother are noble of heart and shall not fall under thine evil sway!"

"Have you ever considered decaf?" Diane questioned calmly, staring down at the fuming knight.

"Thou dost not speak a single phrase which ist understandable, and I doth suspect both of thee art trying to bespell us, which shall never be, fair fiends!"

Ludo let out a sound of confusion and Diane patted his arm. "Don't worry, big guy. Sir Didymus is just a little psycho, that's all. We're still your friends."

"Fwiends," Ludo repeated, reassured.

Katie caught Sir Didymus' blade as he aimed it at her leg, and used it to pull him off Ambrosias, who rushed over to hide behind Ludo. The brunette raised an eyebrow at the dangling fox. "So, where are you leading us again?"

"To the castle, wherein the Goblin King may use his powers of witchcraft to best such sorceresses as thou art sure to be!"

"Lamesauce."

"Totally."

The girls pouted, Katie releasing Sir Didymus, who fell to the ground and rolled away, before coming back to his feet in a defensive posture.

"Ludo, can you give us a tour of the Labyrinth?"

"Pretty please? JINX!"

Diane did the touchdown dance, then they turned back to the huge, hairy sweetheart. The puppy dog eyes came out in full force, and Ludo awkwardly shifted his weight back and forth and back and forth.

"Heed them not, worthy brother! They are unforgivable and malicious. My brother, they are _fan-girls!_ Long have we been taught such individuals are a threat unto all we hold dear! Do not be confounded by their wiles!"

Ludo looked ponderously from the small knight, to the best friends, whose eyes were wide and lower lips were trembling. Finally, he shook his shaggy head and a huge grin split his fearsome face. "Kaydee and Di-annn fwiends. Fwiends follow."

He turned and began lumbering away, and the girls slapped a high five and hurried after him.

Sir Didymus climbed back onto Ambrosias, who was happy to follow. After all, Diane was an excellent ear-scratcher.

And as they traveled west, Sir Didymus protested all the way.


End file.
